Receiving a diagnosis, especially one that has a poor prognosis, is devastating. It may have begun with a nondescript pain somewhere that doesn’t seem to go away. Perhaps there is seizure activity, or uncharacteristic behavior that prompts a deeper set of testing.

Once the doctor or specialist confirms their suspicions, it’s a game changer. There’s no going back, and although some treatments may slow progression of disease such as diabetes or cancer, or force it into remission, it’s now a part of the medical history. Health decisions from that point forward may carry risks that weren’t there before. Everything from insurance questions, to retirement planning, to travel considerations may be affected. For a person, even the diagnosis itself can have a profound impact on underlying mental health. Are they able to enjoy their favorite foods or hobbies? Has a reduced life expectancy caused a re-evaluation of a personal bucket list?

Below is a quote from an English writer who passed during the Depression era:

“The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind.” – Gilbert K. Chesterton

These words hold great wisdom but I propose an extension to this theory: this not only affects the individual with the affliction, but also that person’s support network of family and friends. Whose health of the body are we trying so hard to preserve? Whose health of the mind are we destroying?

Is it always the same answer?

When that diagnosis is confirmed, the game changes not only for the patient, but for everyone close to them as well. Behaviors change in order to support that preservation of health. The family now has to be wary of salt restrictions, or sugary foods in the pantry. Considerations are made for home care and mobility. Visitors may be restricted due to fatigue or risk of infection. In many ways, the support network would benefit from its own support network.

Quite some time ago, I had a lady approach the counter to pick up a prescription for a common Alzheimer’s medication. It was for a dosage increase and she had some basic questions about side effects and what dosing time was best as it had been increasingly difficult following her husband’s recent erratic behavior. It only took about a minute for me to get the sense that there was much more to this story. I asked if she would like to sit down and discuss things more in depth. Like many others, she had been from a generation where she looked after the household, from the cooking and cleaning, the finances, and all the daily planning. Unfortunately, her spouse’s condition had deteriorated to the point where she could not physically look after him anymore. She didn’t know where to turn and as much as she recognized the relief she would feel, it was accompanied by a profound sense of guilt to leave him in the care of someone else.

I realized during the interaction that my patient wasn’t only the person with the name on the prescription, it was also his loving partner who needed guidance to help cope with her own feelings. Thankfully, I was able to provide her information on community-based support groups and phone contacts for financial and legal aid. She certainly seemed appreciative and more at ease after the interaction.

In our practices, this happens countless times and we may not even be aware of it. The innocent bystanders that have their own lives turned upside-down may not realize at first just how or when they will be affected. Maybe if we ask the right question, we may just help them avoid getting overwhelmed.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any agency, employer or affiliation.