That feeling is back.

There in the pit of your stomach, a queasy, uneven terror takes hold. Even the butterflies are frozen in fear. The thought of confrontation can be a paralytic.

This is not just applicable to the pharmacy world of course. A verbal attack, incident of negligence, or general poor attitude can evoke strong reactions from you, other family members, friends or colleagues. Really, any undesirable behavior(s) that affect others may be lost on an individual if they’re not told about it, or asked to reconsider their actions. So how do you toe the line between a proper response and a potential overreaction? A long-time patient violates your trust and is caught shoplifting. A medication incident occurs and you’re cradling the phone receiver to notify a physician that hasn’t always been the most supportive. Say you back into a friend’s car in the driveway after they left it for a weekend away. Perhaps you suspect a family member has a substance abuse problem and you worry about their mental health.

Regular readers may find that I tend to internalize and reflect often. In fact, most of the words I write are borne from some direct or arms-length experience. As a team leader, it’s taken a lot of work to hold back a raw emotional reaction when it festers. If something or someone offends you, it’s important to remember a few things when a potential confrontation occurs:

• You are entitled to your reaction – Regardless of another’s intent, or their choice of wording, it may offend, insult, surprise, demoralize, etc. and they can’t control your feelings or the reasons why. They are valid and shouldn’t be dismissed. I will sometimes write draft pieces that have a strong topic or controversial nature and I may not realize it. During the editing phase, it’s brought to my attention that for instance, my perspective on technician regulation has been coloured by my growth opportunities in a long-term care setting. It’s something I really hadn’t considered and was thankful that it was pointed out.
• The earlier the better – Out of the scenarios above, all require a response of some sort. As mentioned, my approach is to internalize and review all possible scenarios, but if I wait too long with a planned response, there’s a chance not only for the behavior or issue to arise again, but it’s also perceived as permissible by onlookers who may become disillusioned.
• It’s emotionally exhausting, but worth it – Why are these conversations so difficult? If you hold trust and respect for someone, attempting to single out a flaw of some kind without it feeling like an attack is somewhat of an art. I have close friends who are much more adept at meeting with individuals and getting thanked for providing constructive criticism. Almost every difficult meeting I have, I’m usually needing to own up for my own slights or behaviors that have contributed to the situation. See above: they are also entitled to their reaction to something I’ve done or said. Being vulnerable around close family and friends is hard enough, around acquaintances and other professionals is another thing entirely. It’s no surprise that these meetings often happen at the end of the shift, or day, or week even to allow time to wind down.

If you genuinely care, if you are trying to help someone, let that be the basis for an interaction. If the person respects you and your opinion, they often recognize that they have put you in a position to respond. Offering alternatives for moving forward makes the conversation productive while acknowledging past missteps.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but perhaps we can turn that difficult conversation around into something positive with a clear path forward. We can’t guarantee foresight will be 20/20, but how close can we get?

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any agency, employer or affiliation.